Posts Tagged ‘new beginnings’

Wow, I really don’t seem to care too much about this now, do I?  I went to the trouble of creating a new webpage, paying lots of money to get myself set up, and now I’m at a total loss for what I should be talking about.  I guess an official webpage is something a bit more serious.  It’s not just a place where I can vent to people about crap that I probably think way too much about–now it must have a real purpose.  It must be some kind of specific chronicle.  I need to have consistency.  Purpose.  Maybe that’s what my previous blog was lacking.  Hell, the mood wasn’t even consistent. 

I get into these self-reflective moods every now and then, but nothing ever really changes.  I bitch and moan, and then just continue about my way.  I think I’ve even discussed this attitude and vowed to change before.  Hrmm.  Okay. 

Well something happened.  I don’t exactly know what the deal is (okay, I do, but don’t really feel ready to discuss it here), but today I woke up feeling strangely proactive.  I think I’ve now experienced what it’s really like to just go with the flow, not trust my instincts, and let something else dictate what I’m doing.  And you know what?  I got hurt.  Mostly I’m just mad at myself for being so stupid, but damn it really sucks.  And I’m done.  Done.  Screw impotent rage.  I’m over it.  And when I sat down to write another entry today, I finally figured out what this blog is going to be about.  What it should have been about this entire time.  Not TV and film reviews (well, okay, I can still do that, just not all the time).  Not me talking about weird interactions and letters to people from my past.  Not even me arguing with my brain and displaying feminist rage.  I’m going to use this space to track my actual life progress.  I’m going to be as frank and straightforward as I am able, and I think writing everything here will keep me honest.  If  I have to stare at my lack of progress and see all of you staring at it too (all, uh, five of you or something?), that would just be depressing.  Okay, fine, I’ll still argue with my brain.  I have fun writing those, after all.

I’ve decided that a staple for this webpage will be tracking my “progress” or rather just sharing with y’all how I’m doing in various facets of my life.  Facets that I have admittedly been coasting in for a couple of years.  August is the beginning and end of many things for me, so this would be a perfect time to do this.  Here we go:

Home Life: Currently have two apartments.  Both are too messy.  One needs to be seriously cleaned by the end of the month, so that I get my whole security deposit back.  I need to buy blinds to replace the ones the cats ripped up, and I’ll need to put them up myself.  Need to make sure that place is shining before I turn my keys back in.  Find some way to fix the radiator cover that my cats broke by walking all over it.  My current apartment is too cluttered.  I need more organizational materials.  I have to wait until next month, when I don’t have to pay two rents, but that place will be cleaned dammit.  Also, look into getting a counter space for kitchen.  There’s apparantly a good one at IKEA (thanks for at least one thing, Joe).  Look into buying more art when I actually have money.  Frame the art.  Why is living life like a real person so expensive? Goals: Start living like a real person before the end of the month.  Ensure I get my whole security deposit back on my old apartment.  Organize my new life.

Health: I keep making half-hearted gestures concerning this, so I think I’ll start a little more slowly and build to an appropriate apex this time.  In the spirit of the movie (and real-life blog) Julie & Julia (omigod I want to see this movie so badly, it’s embarrassing), I should try to make more real food.  The intention is always there, but I have a nasty habit of becoming too lazy and not wanting to cook.  I’ve got those cookbooks, though.  And I really do love cooking.  And baking.  So I think I’m going to start making real food for myself.  Experiment more.  Make coffee every day.  Use those muffin tins I bought myself.  Buy more fresh vegetables from the Farmer’s Market.  Also, working out.  This is getting to be a tough one.  The will is there, but it’s so easily thwarted.  I keep talking about 6/7, because I know me.  If I work out fewer than 6 out of 7 days, I’m much more likely to find excuses to not go to the gym.  I’m likely to put it off indefinitely.  I don’t like that I’ve gotten this way, but it’s the truth.  So I’ve got to do something to force myself to go.  Bribe myself even.  I’ve decided upon the one thing that will make me go to the gym for 6/7 days.  The one little pleasure that I allow myself.  The one thing that I can always enjoy no matter what.  If I go to the gym for 6/7, on the 7th day, my day off, I can buy myself a book or dvd or other novelty item.  If I don’t, well, I don’t get one.  Simple as that.  And I mean it.  People, slap my hand and make me go run if I buy something and haven’t earned it.  It’s the only way I’ll get my act together.  Goals: End this month cooking myself 90% of my meals, shopping every other week, and going to the gym for 6/7 days of the week.

Career/Future: Okay, this is the stuff that really needs to get going.  And luckily, it’s the one thing that I can control the most in this coming month.  The LSATs are coming up, and I need to seriously study.  I took a practice LSAT this past weekend and realized that while I have a good start, I need to get my score up by at least 12 points before I take the real thing at the end of September.  I think I can do it, if I practice my games and do tons more practice tests.  I also need to figure out how I should treat my current job.  Should I just stay here, or casually look for work elsewhere?  I think that if I see something cool, I should go for it, even though I’ll have to leave the job in a year.  Because, yeah, GOING TO LAW SCHOOL.  The more I say it, the more it’ll happen.  Goals: Boost my LSAT score by hardcore studying, so that I can kick ass in September.  Apply to awesome law schools.  Figure out what I want out of my job for this coming year.

Social: This is a bit more flexible than others, I guess.  I just want to keep having fun?  Go out with people more.  Go have a beer with my cute neighbor.  Don’t have any expectations and don’t be too hard on some people.  But also, I should make sure to trust my instincts.  They are often smarter than I am, and listening to them will help me avoid pain and humiliation.  So, uh, trust people and yet don’t?  I guess?  This is very sketchy, I know.  Um, take chances?  Be spontaneous?  Try not to be a recluse?  Why are all of these questions?  I’m starting to feel uncomfortable.  Uh, Goals: Try to have fun, while still being responsible.  Don’t do anything that you don’t immediately feel comfortable doing.  Do try to meet new people, though.  Wear more jewelry. And get some more clothes that aren’t t-shirts and jeans, already.  Do that with your next paycheck.  Geez.

So, yeah, people.  I’ll let y’all know what the deal is.  I also have a few miscellaneous ones that I’ll talk about later.  Join me on my journey to become a real person with a real life!

This is the test post for the new blog.  As of now Well, Here I Am will no longer be updated.  I’ll miss it, but this place is much nicer. 

I’ve got a crazy amount to do today including cupcakes & ice cream, lady workouts, returning Comcast equipment, Symphony & Scrabble, and cupcakes.  I’m sure I’ll report on at least some of those in the future.  In the meanwhile, my Twitter Feed is still going strong, and I’ve got a new About Me section with those shiny new buttons at the top.

Welcome to fullstinahead.com!